Now it's time to say goodbye....

Ok we will just be saying goodbye to 2008 and trading it in for a shiny 2009. Wow the years continue to click by, we get older, heavier, probably more jaded but socially things don't really change. 2008 has been a crazy year, we have seen gas at an all time high. The unemployment rate is so high that we may see unemployment come to an end. We have seen a high rate in foreclosures due to bad loans. I wonder if the divorce and suicide rates have also gone up? We have witnessed an election few older people thought they would ever see. Obama will be sworn into office sometime in late January. We had one of the highest turn out of voters this year, maybe because of the president elect or maybe because of prop 8. Prop 8 created a stir in California defining marriage strictly between a man and women. This pitted a large majority of the state against a few large churches. Whether its an unconstitutional law will be determined in late 2009. Wow 2008 went out with a bang.
Personally not much has changed, still single, what else is new. More activity in the church. My grandfather has cancer again, we as a family will fight for remission again. My dads sick somethings wrong with his heart but he is too dam stubborn to have the surgery. My family welcomed a new baby, it seems to have brought us closer. My brother continues to date multiple girls, they are flavors of the week and not girlfriends. He tells me that's what being 24 is all about. Days continue to pass...I'm glad 2008 is coming to an end.

Happy Holiday's

My friends and family,
Merry Christmas Eve, I would like to take this time to wish all of you a happy holiday and Merry Christmas. You are each truly special to me. I am greatful and honored to have you all in my life. I hope you enjoy the holiday with your families and friends.
May peace and blessings be with you and yours,
Sarah

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Here are a few of my favorite things about the Christmas season...

1. The movie Love Actually, I can and do watch it year around even if its on TV. Tis the season for telling people that you love them.
2. Grandma's cornbread dressing a lot like stuffing but goes nowhere near the silly bird.
3. My whole family getting together in a really small house, we seemed to have out grown it years ago but we continue to fill it with love and lots of laughter.
4. My favorite Christmas gift ever goes to a tie, a Cabbage Patch kid I got when I was 5 and a 35mm camera. My mom waited in line for hours and paid an ungodly amount for it. The camera I got from an ex-boyfriend right before the brake up. Yes I still have both.
5. Best memory wow do I have a lot of those... Spending Christmas with my whole family every year. The house stayed the same but the family seemed to get way bigger. My cousin Denver playing the Grinch, and waltzing us around the room while my grandfather played the piano or guitar.
6. Best tradition. My dad always buys me a hallmark ornament every year from the time I was born. That's a lot of ornaments that doesn't include to 3 ornament swaps I've been to that gave me 90 hand made ornaments. I have boxes of those silly things. I love the way a tree looks with rustic ornaments.
7. I really don't like getting gifts I would much rather give them. Isn't that what Christmas is all about.
8.My favorite Christmas song is also a tie, "Joy to the World" and "Silent Night" especial when played by someone in my family. They are all musical it skipped me completely. Oh well, I'm crafty and they aren't nenner nenner nenner!!!!
9. My most favorite tradition is driving around looking at all the crazy lights. Oh and you can't forget the local parade of lights, love it.

So I told you mine, now what are your favorite things?

Priceless!!!!!!

One set of perfectly normal looking stairs...
One crazy cat who likes to drag crap (towels, slippery rugs and other things to the bottom of the stairs)....
One clumsy Sarah....
Two left feet attached to a very clumsy Sarah....
Falling to the ground after slipping on a towel and slamming my knee on the hard ground...
PRICELESS!!!!

Okay maybe not priceless but it did require a cortizone shot and an x-ray...oh and a phone call to a supervisor...maybe now its priceless!!!!!

Wow it's been awhile....

...and somethings change and others do not.
A baby can change a family, make some of us closer and unite against the evil front. And then at times we find that we are truly weak, stubborn and unwilling to change for any one...even their kids. We find that we are not superhero's and can and do get sick.
The holidays are here and this has created a lot of discord. I guess it has a lot to do with an email that was sent in regards to no overtime during the holidays which prevents no time off. So all of us that requested time off at the beginning of the year...yes January 1st was DENIED!!!! Wow this sucks. I understand we should be grateful that we have a job in this economy but really...oh well. I guess I just have to see my family some other time maybe next Christmas.
The kids attitudes and behaviors still suck...yes they really do. We are trying to re-wire 15 plus years of poor behavior in a short amount of time. These kids lack self esteem, self control and boundaries. They feel the need to make others feel bad because they feel worse themselves. They have been battered, abused and beaten by others thus doing it to others is the only option. And yes the holidays make it one hundred times worse!!!
I still hate games, I really hate guys who play games. I can't seem to find a guy who won't play games. It seems the guys I meet say one thing and do another. I met a nice guy who seemed very nice, humble, wanted all the same thing, said all the right things but then what...I have to do all the work. I don't think so. I should give up dating...maybe a guy who is perfect for me will just fall out of the sky and that will give me the fairytale...story to follow!

New addition to the family....

My cousin Eric had a baby on Sunday at 6:46pm. Eric is one of my closest cousins we are only 11 months apart and grew up together. So this is very exciting to have a new little one around.
Welcome to the world little man!
Blaine Steven Smith
8lbs 14oz
21inches

An era is gone....

The baby era is gone :( and we are very sad!!!

So tuesday my closest friend Julie had a hystrectomy. We have know each other since we were 13 we are practically family and look like sisters. Even in the hospital people asked if we were sisters, silly how we pick friends that look like us. So for her its the end of the baby era. She's sad and so am I, who is suppose to have that kind of surgery at 30, especially the day after your birthday. Its funny right before she went in she begged me to have one also but I had to remind her that one of us had to be able to have a baby. She came back with this hospital is full of smart men and doctors at that so go find a future baby. That's Julie for you always thinking ahead. Well today she begged me to take away her pain. Who wants to see their friend in pain?! I sure as hell don't. I called the nurse, got here juice, sat and read while she slept and laughed while she talked in her sleep.

She eventually came too and I got her up and moving a bit. I fought with the mean nurse that wouldn't listen and demanded to talk with someone else, who fixed the problem. I did tell her she owes me big time..especially after she had me put her belly button ring back in, helped her to the bathroom and rubbed her legs cause she itched so bad. I sat with her while her husband worked so that she was never alone, its like we are doing shifts. He is doing the 8pm to 5am I'm doing the opposite. But that's what friends are for right...she is the one I would and could get it trouble with..but we would do anything for each other. Sometimes friends really are better then family because her family was not there!

Dating in the real world...

SUCKS....
So I went on a date last Tuesday, we went to the movies had fun, thought we got along pretty well but wasn't really looking for the "one". Well at the end of the date I got a hand shake..yep! Not like I wanted a hug or anything but who shakes hands...I have the worst luck with meeting and dating guys I need to find a nice guy who is not afraid of a strong personality. All of you know me and my personality...I'm such a taurus. Oh and the best part of this whole mess was he sent me an email saying "I'm not interested and I need to find someone I can be serious with". Go figure, maybe I want to just be friends....wow guys can be so self centered and dumb!!!!

Anyone know a nice single guy that I can meet?

Stay tune for more dating horror stories because I have a bunch.... Sooo many I could write a book or atleast a blog.

Happy Veteran's Day

Thank you to all the men and women that have given their time and lives for our rights and privilege to have all the wonderful things that living in America affords us.

To the very special Gold Star Mother, I love you very much and honor you today.

In loving memory of
Garland Dale Floyd and all other veterans.

Happy Birthday Julie!!!

I will gladly get "old" with you as long as botox is in our future! Happy 30th birthday my Martini buddy. From here on out we are "30 something" scary....

The Change

Here are the changes!!!

Barrack Obama-is the president elect

Proposition 8-passed with yes vote which means that the state of California will only recognize marriage between a man and a women.(It looks like the governor and a few Congress men are trying to say that the vote is still unconstitutional and will try to overturn it) (tons of people are picketing and church are being vandalized because of prop 8)

Happy Election Day!!!

I voted did you???

In the words of MTV!!!!

ROCK THE VOTE!!!

Despite whether you vote for McCain or Obama or yes or no on propositions...please just have a voice. Too many people have died for our right and honor to vote.

A change is a coming!!!!

So we as a nation and state are on the eve of some great changes. Either way we look at it we will have some first a first African American President or a women Vice President. Both are a change, both stand for change, both will bring great change. They both can either bring this nation to our feet or to our knees.
But I digress, the hate I'm talking about is Prop 8. So I believe in god,I believe in the bible, a marriage should be between a man and woman but how do we discriminate against a whole group of people. How do we tell people that they can't celebrate their love with some kind of union. I guess I'm just upset because I have family and friends that are gay so my vote feels confused. Voting no on this issue goes against my moral views on marriage and family. But voting yes discriminates against a whole group who deserves to be treated equal.
Oh there is a change coming and I'm scared..I hope we as a country and state know what we are doing!

Happy Halloween

Have a safe and fun Halloween. I will be at work waiting for all the drunk hoodlums to come in.

I love purses!!!!!

Especially when its Coach..I got a new purse and matching wallet on Tuesday and I love it. It was such a good deal who could pass it up.

If this 3 inch metal door wasn't here....

I would beat your ass! I can't tell you how old that statement gets. The kids I work with think that the world revolves around them and their lifestyle, thus their gangs. So we have these 2 kids that really don't like each other, well that's an under statment of the century. I think they would kill each other if given the chance. So neither kid gets along with others but one is on his own program so we have to accomadate him, so as he was getting in the shower he walked over to the door of the kid he "hated" and proceed to scream at the kid through the close metal door. Out came all the gang bullshit, the "BK" this and "SK" that, along with "blood for life" (white kid from this town a blood hard to believe) then the "13 for life" crap whatever. With both yelling "tell those staff to open the door and I will show you what's up." They were screaming louder then a toddler throwing a temper tantrum as another officer and I attempted to calm them down the situation. Eventually I was able to get the kid to look at me, make eye contact long enough to get him to listen and then walk away. I guess everyone is super tough when there is 3 inches of solid metal between them. Guys and girls grow up, life does not have 3 inches of metal between you and your enemy in every situation...learn to deal or atleast see each other for who you are differences included.

Thanks for noticing!!!

So I worked my typical 8 hour shift on Saturday. Its a hard one because I usually have very little sleep (4hrs) and well its the weekend and I'm working. However we have a new supervisor and I'm try to make it easy on him, show him I know what I'm doing and that I'm a "team player". So he told me that we had very few core trained staff and with visiting and the programs we just need to sit on the kids (not literally). So to help out my team I worked on all the laundry, set up visits and basically did what was asked, well at the end of my shift I got my reward. The new supervisor came upstairs and said that he really appreciated all that I did and how much I stepped up to help him out. He stated that we work so well as a team on this Saturday afternoon shift, he wished he could get the rest of his week to run as smooth. That felt good especially after being told that I was not a "teamplayer" guess it really is in the eye of the beholder.

Use of Force gone bad!!!!!!

So on Wednesday I had Use of Force, this is a 4 hour training that I typically dread. Someone usually gets hurt and in the long run when the "crap" hits the fan they never really gone down like practiced. Oh well, so Maben and I were partners and it was a small none threatening class of 6 officers. We did this escape from a choke hold, for the record I'm never letting a kid get close enough for that and should it happen its on. So back to this move, you have to use a rocking motion while laying on your back to then wrap your leg around their head and quickly move to a kneeling potion thus striking them many times in the ribs. Okay easy enough, well first wrong move I re-aligned Maben's spine, thus hitting my leg hard enough to give myself one killer bruise. I think I win the Use of Force bruise award, this thing is easily 6-8 inched long and deep black and purple, upper calf to lower thigh. Maybe I will post a picture it gross but pretty amazing that a head did it. That however was not the only war wound Maben was hurt later when she attempted to grab my pepper spray only to lose half her nail, if only that was a deterrent for the kids in the hall. Oh well at least we had fun and no one went to the hospital, right. Wait I never got to ride in an ambulance so maybe that would have been kinda fun.....maybe next time. Just kidding I have to do this again next month pray for me!!!! Please.

You're not a team player...

this is what I was told today. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, I guess I just don't get it. How can I not be a team player if I help out with other programs, I'm the first to volunteer for something and I work well with others. I guess if you "vent to others" then you're not a team player. Until I master the role of being a team player I will not go anywhere with this department. That's what was said. Interesting! Oh and I need to learn to congratulate people who get promoted, I never read that in the policy but I will try. Just venting here, at least I can vent here and not get "in trouble!"

So I've had a bad week......

Ok maybe more like month, so yesterday I went out and got a pedicure. This is my favorite thing in the whole world. I love to be able to look down at my feet and see my cute toes paint pink with pretty flowers. So this really is my guilty pleasure. Anyone who has ever tried to completely change their sleep schedule will understand why I've had a bad month. Then there's been a lot of movement in the hall that creates tension and drama. I guess I should just be thankful I have a job plus I'm getting use to the graveyard, its actually pretty fun.

Wow.........

So I never wanted this blog to turn into a book review blog. However when I find a good book I think the world should know. So I just finished the most inspiring book ever called "Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I am not one for highlighting key phrases in books but I will admit I did in this case. I cried at the beginning and the end of this book, I laughed, I reflected, I was one with the book and I wanted to be one his student. I would give this book 5 stars, it was an amazing journey for me and the author.

I was signature # 1052

So there is a petition that is floating around the adoption community it’s called “Adoption for All: The Fairness for Families Petition”. So after spending a few hours (not really but it felt like it) reading a bill off of my crack berry. Yes this was a bill; the Congress of the United States of America is trying to make it harder for families who have already spent up to 3 years waiting for their Chinese princess or other miracle baby. What since does that make? What kind of politician is attempting to make more money off already suffering and stressed out families? I have a guess but that would let my political view out of the bag. Oh alright maybe some loosey goosey democrat who’s views on the world doesn’t expand further then the piece of paper his speech is written on. Okay off my “soapbox” and back to the issue at hand. So after reading all about how these families should have been grandfathered in under the Hague Law, Congress decided no and now wants all new paperwork (1600A), home studies and more money. Go figure. A huge issue with this is that a large majority of these families are close to their LID date (log in date) with the country of adoption. These new information could take 6 months thus passing all these families, up what is unknown is if the home countries will honor the LID or push them back to the very end of the line. If that happens these families would start over this time behind 25,000 families.
If I believe then it shall be…Congress, honor the Hague Bill and let these families unite, it is already taking too long and too many babies are growing up in orphanages. If you agree, sign the petition let Congress know Family is Family even if it’s built on a dream and a thin red string. http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/adoptions-for-all.html

My childhood dreams!

So I have been thinking alot about my childhood dreams, things that I want to accomplish in my life. I found a diary from when I was 10-12 years old and here is what I found. Some sound silly and some are very serious.
1. I want to be a wife and mother. In that order and I understand that in this day in age this sounds very silly.
2. I want to graduate from college. Yes, I have already done this once but when I was little I wanted to be a lawyer so maybe I should just suck it up and go to law school.
3. I want to REALLY help someone. Go figure.
4. I want to learn to drive really fast. I wonder why I have had 2 major speading tickets.
5. I want to travel the world especially to Europe.
6. I want my family to always be happy and to always get together on Christmas Eve.
7. I'm going to save the world. Wow did I have big dreams.

So what were your childhood dreams?

1 book down millions to go.....

I finished "The 19th Wife" the book was okay but I defiantly would not give it 4 stars. That's what the book reviewer for People gave it. The book had lots of accurate Mormon history with a slight murder mystery aspect. Oh well, sometimes you find a good book and sometimes you find a bad one, too bad I was way excited for this one.

All in a days work.......

Restrained, sprayed, banged and sanged

(bad grammar, yes I know but oh so funny at 3am)

And this was our Thursday night it's amazing the things kids will do to get attention. I remember growing up and just wanting to have fun, know I was loved and survive to adulthood. Unlike the kids I work with.
Last night the kids were literly off the hook, I was called Satan's spawn, very cool. An officer was kicked a few times. A kid was pepper sprayed and then decided he would say sorry because he realized "damn that really did hurt." One kid thought he wouldn't get sprayed because the girl didn't get sprayed, 80lbs versus 210lbs, big difference. Another made threats that we were all going to be murdered should we ever enter her room. The F-word was used more then I ever thought possible. A kid tried to drink nasty deodorant only to find out that it would make her "poop" a lot because the second ingredient was Castor oil. Wow oh so funny. The 45 kids then proceeded to bang and sing in their rooms for hours because they were bored and mad.
So over all we restrained 2 kids 3 times, pepper spray was used 1 time, called poison control 1 time, called CFMG 3 times (they were no help), ended 1 mandatory program early, put the whole institution down 5 times, had to end 2 visit early 2 times and wrote 4 incident report to prove it all. Wow 2 kids can really throw a monkey wrench in a day.

Patriot Day, 2008

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

September 11, 2001, was etched into America's memory when 19 terrorists attacked us with barbarity unequaled in our history. On Patriot Day, we cherish the memory of the thousands of innocent victims lost, extend our thoughts and prayers to their families, and honor the heroic men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so others might survive.
Since 9/11, we have recognized the threat posed by terrorists to the safety of the American people and worked to protect our homeland by fighting terrorists abroad. We are confronting terrorism by advancing freedom, liberty, and prosperity as an alternative to the ideologies of hatred and repression. Our Nation pays tribute to our courageous men and women in uniform serving around the world and the devoted members of our law enforcement, public safety, and intelligence communities at home who work night and day to protect us from harm and preserve the freedom of this great Nation.
Seven years ago, ordinary citizens rose to the challenge, united in prayer, and responded with extraordinary acts of courage, with some giving their lives for the country they loved. On Patriot Day, we remember all those who were taken from us in an instant and seek their lasting memorial in a safer and more hopeful world. We must not allow our resolve to be weakened by the passage of time. We will meet the test that history has given us and continue to fight to rid the world of terrorism and promote liberty around the globe.
By a joint resolution approved December 18, 2001 (Public Law 107-89), the Congress has designated September 11 of each year as "Patriot Day."
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 11, 2008, as Patriot Day. I call upon the Governors of the United States and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, as well as appropriate officials of all units of government, to direct that the flag be flown at half-staff on Patriot Day. I also call upon the people of the United States to observe Patriot Day with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and remembrance services, to display the flag at half-staff from their homes on that day, and to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 a.m. eastern daylight time to honor the innocent Americans and people from around the world who lost their lives as a result of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this eighth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
GEORGE W. BUSH

One week down...

three weeks and five months left.
I hope I survive this whole graveyard thing, I guess I under-estimated my ability to sleep during the day, especially when my phone wont stop ringing even when it is just on vibrate. I guess people forget that I don't work "normal people" hours anymore. I forgot how hard it is to sleep during the day even with a night mask on and a few"simply sleepy" sleep aids. I will admit that I have had some fun on those graves, I have learned some new things, refreshed and then got faster at the booking processes and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I was introduced to amnesty hour yet again and god do people say some crazy things. Oh and I found out that its been proven that staying up for more then 10 hours straight at night is equal to being legally drunk thus I guess we cant be responsible for what we say. But those next five months will be hard especially if I get bored so I will find plenty to keep myself busy and wont be like the rest.

The uglyest word in the world....

So I got a phone call from my mom today and it was definitely not a good one. It was one of those phone calls that you know could happen and is always in the back of your head but you just keep going everyday hoping today is not the day. Well today was the day.... I was talking with my mom about last night and what chores I had to do today and then all the sudden out came, "Grandpa's cancer's back he found out Friday!" followed by, "Sarah, are you still there are you okay?" Well what do you say to that, no I'm not okay but I cant do any thing to fix it that's the doctors job. I'm angry because I found out over the phone and not in person, I'm angry because I've cried over the ugly C-word before and cant cry now, I'm angry because I saw it coming, I'm angry that my family has to go through this again and I'm angry because I cant fix it. Those of you that no me, "no my anger control skills did not work."
It was July 11th 6 years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with multi-symptom myeloma which is basically leukemia for the elderly. Whats important about the date is that it is my uncles birthday his only remaining son. He battled this ugly disease for 2 years and went into remission on Valentines days. Well 4 years later we as a family begin our journey again, we walk the plank between life and death and hopefully we all make it relatively unscathed. All I have is trust in my family, our faith in the lord and his plan and trust in the medical field, together we maybe able to fight the ugly C-word yet again.

FAMILY REUNIONS need I say more?

So today my dad's family planned a "family reunion" if that's what you would like to call it. Its funny because I was invited to go to it but they are always so awkward, strange and violating to say the least. See I'm the "good" grand-daughter, the one that went to college, never was arrested and doesn't have baby daddy drama with all that good stuff I somehow have become the "hated" one. However because I did these things I don't fit in and I somehow "think I'm better then them", okay who's issue? What makes it worse is that my family sees nothing wrong with their behavior and they view it strictly as my issue. That I have been corrupted by my mother and her need to make me hate my father and his family. Believe me I have my own reasons to hate my father, I don't need her. See my grandmother does the "grandmotherly" thing and sends me birthday, Christmas and Easter cards all saying how much they miss me, but then I go and get the guilt trip. Don't worry I send her the same cards first however so maybe I am a pity card. This is the same person who threatened me with being removed from the will if I did not come visit her during Christmas 4 years ago. Sorry don't need nor do I want your money so pride, dignity and some stupidity being my downfall I have not been in 4 years. I guess you can say nobody threatens me. Well really my family is all a bunch of crazies who don't really get along and only pretend to like each other so that someday they will get some money. Everyone lets their kids run free and nobody watches the little ones once the alcohol starts going. Basically its the Griswold's family adventures all rolled into one day plus add a few or 30 more people. Goodness there should be a license to have kids half my family would have not been able to breed. Okay, so moral of this story I wish I could pick my family much like I picked my friends.

Feeling better

So today I went to church and I forgot how much I missed it. I have not been in awhile because of my last schedule but now I'm back and ready to go. When I started going a lot about 10 months ago it fit into my schedule and then it did not work at all for my schedule so I stopped going for 4 months. I guess a lot has changed in me during that time. When I started going all those months ago I was really dedicated and on my game. I felt like I noticed a difference in my daily life, I was happier and felt like there was meaning and reason to get up each day. Heck my mother the none church goer noticed a difference when I was going and even said, " whatever you are doing there it works for you, just remember who you are!" I did just that I focused on me and my life with god in it. I decided that at this point in my life I needed just this. Well when my schedule change my world came crashing down and I had again to focus on my job and less on me and my relationship with god. So I guess this made me grumpy, frustrated and lacked guidance. All of which I could have received had I been at church and with the people who cared for me. A little back story, I was going to church on my own because this was a different church then my family church. I had however created strong ties to my new church family. Well with this new shift rotation I have received a blessing in its own right, I am now able to go back to church. So today I went and was able to spend time with people who even after 4 months remembered my name and cared that I was back. I walked in a knew that I once again was home, I felt it in the air, it wrapped tight around me holding me close and keeping me safe.
So today after 4 months I finally feel better.....

Shift Change.....

Well shift change came and went and it was pretty uneventful. The kids were confused and wondered what the hell was going on. I think they (the ones that have been there a long time) have just as hard of time as we do. They get use to seeing us on certain days and they know our routines, so we suffer they suffer. But I do think that I will have fun on my new shift especially if it goes anything like my first day. I had a lot of fun working nights, I was left alone, we watched a movie and then played pictionary for an hour with a black and orange marker. So today I went out bought a whole collection of dry erase markers for a really fun game.
So bring on change and I think I will gladly welcome graves with open arms, now if I could only get some fun people to come to the dark side.......

CuPcAkEs.....

I LOVE CUPCAKES!!!! Yummy... And Officer Maben makes the best, I think she needs to go into business. But then again we would lose a great officer. I guess we will just have to settle for monthly potlucks. Wait we are in trouble I'm on the wrong part on the night and I could very well be on the wrong end also. Oh well I guess I will have to remind her about my birthday. Oh well.

The positives about going to graves....

1. I get to go places when no one else is there, ie the movies, the stores and any other place.Very cool!

2. I will get more done at work. Okay maybe this is a pipe dream. But I can wish right.

3. Movies here I come can't wait to catch up on all my dumb HBO dramas. I just renewed my online account with blockbuster.com

4. I get to read a lot more, I already have a stack ready to go. Don't worry I will blog about every book once I'm done so don't worry.

5. I get paid more to do way less work.

5.1. I only have to put up with the kids a few hours a week instead of all 4 days. Major plus.

5.2. I only have to do 2 meals and showers a week. Major, major plus.

Okay maybe 6 months on graves won't be too bad. I will miss my team though.

Thanks, It was fun.....

I am sad tonight because I have found that my actions and behavior have created an issue for someone I work with. I guess it happens when you work in a place like I do. Its very different from most jobs we don't have a standard lunch break (we eat on the fly), we work standard 12 hour days 2-3 times per week, we argue like brothers and sisters and sometimes we spend more time with the people we work with then our own families. Those of us that are close we share our joys, our sadness, our frustrations and everything in between. But we forget that these people have lives of their own and carry our negative emotions with them. Our work is already so negative with the justice system, the kids, their families and lives that leaving all that at the door is sometimes very hard. When we leave after a 12 hour day we very well could have dealt with 1 fight, 2 suicide suit restraints, school being postponed twice before cancelled at noon, a missing pencil, 10 room changes, 5 bookings, a flooded and food tossed room (potato surprise all over the wall and floor, fun) and million phone calls all while keeping 50 kids and 9 staff safe. And yes all these things have happened in one day. We wonder why its hard to just leave it at the door. We rely on the people we work with we need to know that when the 10-35 (officer needs assistance) call come out that someone will respond. We for the last 6 months have been in the trenches together, I cant tell you how many fights but I know we all survived or how many teacher we have been through (I think a lot). But I do know that we have been safe, that when I headed straight for the fight without calling for back up I know certain people had my back, so thank you. I know that when the fight is really on I can rely on a true unnamed superhero to fly in from somewhere shouting, "stop resisting!" Or despite how much I hate the Disney singing I will miss the loud "white girl Spanish" with all the "gang member Hispanic boys and her always telling me "if there's a fight its all you I'll call 10-35, k". I will miss a certain Asst. Sup and his descriptive vocabulary when describing the bookings. He is creative. Oh don't worry 6 months will fly by at least that's what I am telling myself and no you wont lose a friend. At least I'm keeping 1 person from my days with all of you.

"Queen bee's and Wannabe's"

With my job I cross paths with a lot of kids, shall we say a lot of different types of kids. Well this week is no different. We have a few kids who are in the "gang" life. The reason its in quotes is because I think they may just be 'wanna-be's'. I deal with kids who switch sides who would sell out their friends and family at the drop of a hat. See these kids up here are neatly categorized as either Nortenos, Surenos, rarely Crips or Bloods.....but overall it's yeah whatever. This never happens.... neatly categorized what? First of all half can't define any of the above gangs better yet prove it. No real tattoo's and can't name any of the true real hard core street gang besides 'La Familia' again what every. But they all want to claim it with their cool tattoo's (their homemade dot's that were never earned) . Once you tell them that they we will be adding them to Cal-gang and if they get in any trouble here they will be charged with a gang enhancement they are ready to flip on their gang ideology. The gang is no longer cool when you talk about 3-5-7 years as an add on to your base sentence. And no you don't get good time for gang enhancements. Every once in a while we do get a "real gang" member one who has major tattoos and the crime record to prove it but those are the kids that just don't give a dam. Those are the ones that are going to the CDC...... yes the California Prison system.
Then we have the Queen Bee's and boy do we have a few of these also...and I'm not talking about just the girls. We have a boy that everyone calls "fairy or pixie" this boy is so high maintenance, he can't go 3 seconds without needing something, he glides around the room. I feel bad for the kid when others make fun of him but he brings it upon himself, if he would just keep quiet and not display such odd characteristics people would leave him alone. He has literally asked me 20 questions in 10 minutes while my boss was standing there, I finally had to tell the kid to go away. Thanks goodness my boss has a odd sense of humor and said give him a taste of his own medicine. So a minute later when he again came up to me with another question, I being the adult bombed him with 30 questions one right after another. I just stared at him when he could not answer them all fast enough eventually he just walked away. Sorry folks he didn't learn and I am beating my head against the wall. The other Queen Bee's we have are the girls....a battle over the environment and possible the boys. My question to them would be why would you want to date any of them? Oh yeah us girls like the bad boys and we think we can save them....god help us. Well we have this girl, who really is not all that but she thinks she is. Every time she is given a directive, I get the eye roll, the head cock to the side and the "I know what the *&^% I'm doing" comment. This causes all the other girls to pull out their claws and battle for power. This included the female staff very funny scene we need more camera's in that building.
Kids will be kids whether they are queen bee's or wanna-be's.

Giggles and Imaginations

As I sit here at home with all my windows open after a really bad day, I listen to all the little kids playing outside. I live in an apartment and there are 3 boys and 1 girl who play outside my window daily, some days its house, others its super hero's or just riding bikes. Today however they are magical creatures maybe wizards and the soup that they live on is made from water and blackberries. They have wands made from sticks that destroy imaginary evil creature that the adult eye can not see. I guess as we have gotten older we lose our creative side. They run around yelling, shouting and telling each other to be careful, to watch out all the while laughing and giggling. They use torn grass as magic fairy dust maybe to save each other but some how this too invokes laughter. They have taught themselves that crushed up berries dyes cloth and cement making their own tribal designs. Oh the wonder of being young, free and full of life.....

Flowers and Frustrations

So I'm pretty frustrated mostly with work...see it's shift change on August 30th. This is a very stressful time for those of us who work in this field mostly because are lives get "screwed" for the next few months. And today I got the pleasure of seeing my future that is if you want to call it that....I sure as hell don't. I guess we really are consistent at being inconsistent, wow. See the frustration comes into play because we are "suppose" to be scheduled based on seniority plus a male/female ratio thing. However this time I did not see any seniority because somehow I am work graveyards (ok) but on the weekend (who was smoking crack). That's a rookie schedule not a senior 4 year officer schedule. I got bumped by someone who has been there for only one and a half years, oh no that's crap. So I spent the day completely frustrated, slightly angry and made to fear worthless so what did I do? I went to the store and bought myself some flowers.....yup some very pretty red roses..and I still only feel a little better. Tomorrow I plead my case to the big bosses because this is CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DATING...Why is it so hard?

I would like to understand why I have had such a bad or horrible streak in dating....I have literally tried everything. And I really mean everything blind dates, online dating, set-ups, you name it I have tried it and still no man. My friend Julie says I am way too picky and I need to lower my standards so. My phlosophy is "why have standards then?" am I right? I guess I do have so serious standards, I guess I have been hurt a few too many times, starting at a very young age. Again Julie in her wise drunk state aways tells me "I wont ever be happy because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop." She is true on part of that, but she is doing the same thing. So she is really just the pot calling the kettle black. I just want to be happy, I need to find a guy that just gets me, who will put up with my strange moods because I would be more then willing to do the same. I have stories that would make most people laugh and some cry, a few would probably doubt that those things could ever happen to one person. I've dated guys with no manners, and that bearly lasted the date. I dated a married guy...no I did not know he was married until his wife called the day before my birthday. I was engaged once and caught him cheating. I broke up with a guy only to have KARMA smack me in the face 4 years later. I went out on a date with a guy who had 5 DUI's and wondered why I had a problem with it. I dated guys in the Air Force, National Guards and the Army, thought I would work my way around the armed forces. I dated a guy who thought he could control me...like that could happen! I dated a guy who played the piano over the phone until I fell asleep each night but religion got in the way...boy was he hot. I cant forget my best friend who I loved with all my heart but we never seemed to figure the timing out. What standards, do I really have any? Maybe sometime I will share these stories they are all so funny and so very sweet.

Waiting........

I have some friends that can't have a baby so they are doing an honorable thing and adopting. They are adopting an unwanted baby, a girl baby (6-12mths) that was abandoned at an orphanage. Here is the catch, its more of a catch 22, when they started 22 months ago the standard wait was 12 months now it's unknown. With the Olympics it could add a year or more. I have watched this family yearn for their daughter, probably more then anyone else. This is a child born in China, cared for by unknown people but carried in their hearts since day one even before she was conceived. I have watched this couple and others in very similar situation struggle, see very few joys and many hurts and battles in hopes of one day holding their daughter that was loved and conceived half way around the world. These couples have built their lives on hope, they have created rooms, bought clothing and made other preparations. But now I have seen them pack away those once precious items because its just too hard to deal with. The wait is taking a toll. The wait is too long, it's become a daily struggle however if you ask any of them if they would give up not one of them would and all would do it again. I guess we all have to wait for something, we just have to remember that the wait it tough and not always fun but in the end it is worth it. So we will continue to wait for all the babies, for all of the forever families to be united. This post is dedicated to all of our Chinese Princess especially Alicyn and Zoey. So the waiting continues but friendship will make it easier.....I hope!

Happy Friend's Day

Really August 3rd is a holiday.....now where are my presents?

Found this site and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really I do!!!!!!!

New project?

I had a meeting today that I actually feared. Strange because I work with some really bad kids but I feared a women sitting at an office 10 minutes away.Go figure! I guess I feared her because her famous line was "don't mistake my kindness for weakness!" She really does put the fear of god in me but I would have her as back-up any day. Now I'm getting alittle too carried away, about this meeting I have been doing this program at work for 3 of my 4 years. I guess I'm too sucked up into it, I let it become me, I have become it. Basically I cried out of frustration and out of ok just frustration, I feel like I'm stuck in the same position and I'm not moving.The elevator isn't going past floor number 2 and it sucks. I feel like people who are less qualified are moving up and out and I let a project become me.which is now preventing me from doing anything. Well I had the other person involved in the meeting say I've cried at work too much and he wonders if I think that's strange?! All I can say is you try my job plus add on all the other crap! Then judge me! Well what came out of it was good, a few laughs and some clear lines. I know what I will and will not be responsiable for and I will be starting a few new projects. Plus getting to look for my own new project. This will help me keep my sanity and stop from feeling so stiffled. The big piece of advise I got was "work yourself out of a job." So maybe that's what I will do find a new passion, have fun and maybe I won't have so much of a love/hate relationship with my job.

So I have been thinking....

Yesterday this statement was made "If you can't adhere the fidility then you should not be doing the program." Needless to say I am frustrated I work in a stressful enviroment, we are forced to get as much done as possible with every kid in the place. Somedays we are great for time, other days you forget the last time you ate or better yet the last time you went pee, you plead for time to go faster or begging for just a few more minutes of time because the supervisor is damanding something else be done before 6pm. I appear the be getting off track so we do this group I think like 6 days a week and yesterday we had a refresher training. Well it did not go so hot. A statement was made behind my back that makes me truly believe that we are the "red headed step-kid"..the other trainer (I'm also one) and other leader said "if this is how they do their groups no wonder their data was so bad." Plus they jumped all over our group first thing but did nothing about any one elses. Wow how many times can I get stabbed in the back. Well you see these groups are supposed to be allotted 1 hour and only 10 kids but because we have this go, go, go and do, do,do schedule plus we have all these kids that just do not care that hour has been pushed to 30 minutes and now every kid has to be up. So know we have 20 kids to do a group with and only 30 minutes to do it in. Makes sense to me what about you? So back the my orignal quote if you "can't adhere to fidity then you should not be doing this program." All I can say is wow, wish I would have had a tape recorder that could have, would be the quote of probation century. I guess I just have to settle for the fact that I have over 15 witnesses all of which immedaitly came up to me and said, "so I guess we are not doing group anymore?" all I could say is "thats what I understood!" The groups a pain in my ass any way.
.......I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a difference a job makes.....

So I spent the day in a room full of social worker, therapists and probation officers and boy are we all different. First of all, I will agree that there should never be all three of these lovely agencies involved in troubled children's lives. I just as strongly agree that they should only be in a small room together on as few occasions possible. These groups mix like oil and water, i guess you can say we stick to our own. This was all to evident at lunch when we all just stuck together and NO ONE intermingled. Can you say awkward!!! Probation is a job of incarceration, rehabilitation and then continual supervision. Therapy is about fixing/guiding that person. Social work about fixing the certain situation family, child or environment.
I guess I will start by saying that probation is the rough group, we are more likely to get physical when necessary and yes we carry a guns. This a no, no for social workers...guns are scary and just torment already frighten youth. And while I'm at it therapists don't appreciate our hands on approach either. Well when you are dealing with gang members and kids who have inadvertently fried the brains from drugs you go with what force is necessary. During our 8 hours together I listen to a lot of complaining about how my environment is worse then yours. I would beg to differ (mine wins) but maybe if they would have just listen to one another and heard that we all work in places that are volatile and stressful then we could see each other point of view.

Powerful Quote

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering."
~Ben Okri Prentise

The Dance

There is this dance that only boys seem to know, it's called the "do something fool" dance. It typically begins when one smaller, less liked boy decides he is going to ask another boy to dance. This usually happens during some sporting event or other testosterone filled event. Then the other boy typically with more status decides he will dance thus resulting in an event of fist clinching, chest bumping "just do something fool!" dance. This goes on for a matter of seconds with nothing really happening because really no one wants to take the lead.

6 for Sunday

Here are 6 things about me all because it's Sunday....
1.I love to do laundry but HATE to wash my car :)
2.From the age of 8 to 15, I was raised by my mom and her Japanese-American boyfriend. I ate so many weird foods growing up but boy am I good with chopsticks.
3.I have only lived in 2 towns my entire life....Auburn and Grass Valley. Wow right.
4.I can send hours in a books store. I love the way new books smell.
5.Starbucks whip cream makes the roof of my mouth slimy.
6.I have had the same best friend for 28 years and I miss her very much, especially right now.

I have shared mine now what are yours?

I am trying to understand......

Our job as adults is ultimately to protect and care for those smaller, younger and less capably to defend or care for themselves. So why do we as a society see people hurting others (kids, elderly, men, women, whoever) and not do anything? Why do those that are paid to protect kids, protect and remove 1 but leave others to still suffer abuse? And then when kids harm one another do we wonder what happened to our society? Why are we not holding CPS accountable for their actions for their choosing 1 or more children over the others? What about parents that do the same thing protect 1 child over another? Where does it end and who do we blame?

Doctor vs Nurse Practitioner

Well I had a killer migraine again, for like the millionth time in my life and again I let it go 3 days too long. I guess my only blessing is that I have good insurance and a great nurse practitioner. You see I never see the doctor, he is nice enough but has zero bedside manner. He comes in asks what's wrong and then attempts to fix it to the best of his ability. If you need a shot like I usually do he sends the nurse in, see no bedside manner. In the grand scheme of things he still practices because the old people love him. Then there is Patrick, the worlds greatest nurse practitioner. He walks into a room, hugs me and tells me yet again I have waited 3 days to long to come in. At this point I'm in tears from pain and relief that I know he will finally fix this pain even if it's just this time. Patrick should teach a course in bedside manner, he is great, he warns when hands are cold and when lights will be bright. He gives his own shots and yes they are quick and painless unlike all the other people who can't seem to get it right and makes it feel like a dull, rusty needle. Doctors 0 Nurse Practitioners 1

Hey PB & J here's a silly "super hero" name. Now what's yours?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Tomorrow Viking Your Superpower is Vampirism Your Weakness is Quizzes Your Weapon is Your Stellar Claws Your Mode of Transportation is Portal

What's your Superhero Name?

7 funny but true facts in the life of a "super hero"!!!!

1. Adult evil villains cry way more then kid evil villains. But their attitudes are much better.

2. People who blow .27 are really, really drunk and make super hero's laugh really, really hard. Almost to the point were we pee our pants.

3. Amnesty hour is between 12am and 2am. You learn losts of very neat things about people that you have to instantly forget at 2:01am.

4. If you stand in Tahoe City on the 4th of July, you can see fireworks in South Lake, Incline Village and Tahoe City all within 15 minutes.

5.Ballistics vests are great and they save lots of lives every year but boy do they make those things uncomfortable.

6.If anyone is looking for eye candy next year and loves a man in uniform head to Tahoe. Lots of super heros up there for the 4th. But don't do anything illegal we will be watching.

7.I hate hands free driving, it sucks. Everyone looks dumb driving and talking to themselves. I don't follow that law because its DUMB!!!!

There I got a few things off my chest.

Is that the ocean?

That's what "OT" asked as we peaked a crest on 267 heading into Kings Beach. Wow silly guy.I am really being serious!! I told him no and we had a good laugh about it. Later that night we were talking to Ricky and Randy, guess what "OT" isn't the only one to mistake Lake Tahoe for an ocean. Go figure.... people you need to get out more.

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July. May all of you be safe. Enjoy the fireworks, your friends or whatever else you are doing. I will be in Tahoe again tonight. I had lots of fun Thursday night. A lot of walking, a lot of police and some really good fireworks. But we had fun. I wish Tahoe was an hour closer because the van drives like crap.

Thursday's nothing fun happens on Thursday's right?

I'm going to Tahoe (North Lake) tonight. I bet I will have some fun Thursday stories now!!! Don't worry I will be careful, especially for those of you that know what I will be up to. :)

My Favorite Quote Ever.....

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once our eyes watered."
~Tom Stoppard Reid

Serve & protect plays teacher

So today I played teacher atempting to educate the kids in how to control their Anger. Anyone who works with teeanagers understands how difficult that is. First off they dont think they have a problem with their anger...much like an alcoholic or drug addict. I guess if they want to change they will. However my group was good I set boundries and limits, making sure the kids knew what I expected. I even tried to teach them how to make proper introductions, those of you that work around teens know how hard this is. The kids thing a "what's up bro...with their name?" is an intro. Silly kids how will you get a job. I guess we all had a good time. In the end we had a few spare minutes so we played some good old hangman, boy are those kids creative and I mean with spelling.

So this is what I need to find.........hmmmmm

Taurus - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad. You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice. Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak. Your negative traits: Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships. If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander... You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset. Your ideal partner: Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you. Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave. A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart. Your dating style: Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant. Your seduction style: Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy. Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either. Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time. Tips for the future: Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you. Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best. Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions. Best color to attract mate: Pale blue Best day for a date: Friday

What's Your Love Profile?

I'm coming out......

So this is weird to me, everyone I know has a blog and important life moments to share. My friends laugh at me because i lurk on their blogs and don't have one of my own....so here it goes...I am coming out of the shadow and becoming known. I hope you are happy. I will know be able to comment on your blog and share my thoughts and ideas with you.
So this is my moment, my catilian of sorts however without the ugly dress and long white gloves and really silly dance with feathers (Thanks, Gilmore Girls for that perspective). About me I'm a protector of all, in the words of my friends son, "are you a kid cop...do you put kids in jail?" In the grand vision of things yes I do. I'm single, sometimes by choice (the pickings are slim in this small town) and other times I wish I was married with 3 kids living the fairytale. My adventure in dating has been rough to say the least more on that later, boy do I have great stories. I live with a cat that thinks she is a dog. I love her more then anything. She is my therapist and yes at times my best friend and pillow....my cuddle bunny. I just turned 30 in May and felt like it was a turning point in my life, my 20's sucked so much pain and heartache I was glad to be over them. I learned a lot about myself though and now I love who I am. I can't wait to see what my 30's have to offer.....my view on 30 is "it can't get much worse so bring it on!" But really so far..... so good.
So I hope you all are happy....I have now come out!!!!!