New project?

I had a meeting today that I actually feared. Strange because I work with some really bad kids but I feared a women sitting at an office 10 minutes away.Go figure! I guess I feared her because her famous line was "don't mistake my kindness for weakness!" She really does put the fear of god in me but I would have her as back-up any day. Now I'm getting alittle too carried away, about this meeting I have been doing this program at work for 3 of my 4 years. I guess I'm too sucked up into it, I let it become me, I have become it. Basically I cried out of frustration and out of ok just frustration, I feel like I'm stuck in the same position and I'm not moving.The elevator isn't going past floor number 2 and it sucks. I feel like people who are less qualified are moving up and out and I let a project become me.which is now preventing me from doing anything. Well I had the other person involved in the meeting say I've cried at work too much and he wonders if I think that's strange?! All I can say is you try my job plus add on all the other crap! Then judge me! Well what came out of it was good, a few laughs and some clear lines. I know what I will and will not be responsiable for and I will be starting a few new projects. Plus getting to look for my own new project. This will help me keep my sanity and stop from feeling so stiffled. The big piece of advise I got was "work yourself out of a job." So maybe that's what I will do find a new passion, have fun and maybe I won't have so much of a love/hate relationship with my job.

So I have been thinking....

Yesterday this statement was made "If you can't adhere the fidility then you should not be doing the program." Needless to say I am frustrated I work in a stressful enviroment, we are forced to get as much done as possible with every kid in the place. Somedays we are great for time, other days you forget the last time you ate or better yet the last time you went pee, you plead for time to go faster or begging for just a few more minutes of time because the supervisor is damanding something else be done before 6pm. I appear the be getting off track so we do this group I think like 6 days a week and yesterday we had a refresher training. Well it did not go so hot. A statement was made behind my back that makes me truly believe that we are the "red headed step-kid"..the other trainer (I'm also one) and other leader said "if this is how they do their groups no wonder their data was so bad." Plus they jumped all over our group first thing but did nothing about any one elses. Wow how many times can I get stabbed in the back. Well you see these groups are supposed to be allotted 1 hour and only 10 kids but because we have this go, go, go and do, do,do schedule plus we have all these kids that just do not care that hour has been pushed to 30 minutes and now every kid has to be up. So know we have 20 kids to do a group with and only 30 minutes to do it in. Makes sense to me what about you? So back the my orignal quote if you "can't adhere to fidity then you should not be doing this program." All I can say is wow, wish I would have had a tape recorder that could have, would be the quote of probation century. I guess I just have to settle for the fact that I have over 15 witnesses all of which immedaitly came up to me and said, "so I guess we are not doing group anymore?" all I could say is "thats what I understood!" The groups a pain in my ass any way.
.......I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a difference a job makes.....

So I spent the day in a room full of social worker, therapists and probation officers and boy are we all different. First of all, I will agree that there should never be all three of these lovely agencies involved in troubled children's lives. I just as strongly agree that they should only be in a small room together on as few occasions possible. These groups mix like oil and water, i guess you can say we stick to our own. This was all to evident at lunch when we all just stuck together and NO ONE intermingled. Can you say awkward!!! Probation is a job of incarceration, rehabilitation and then continual supervision. Therapy is about fixing/guiding that person. Social work about fixing the certain situation family, child or environment.
I guess I will start by saying that probation is the rough group, we are more likely to get physical when necessary and yes we carry a guns. This a no, no for social workers...guns are scary and just torment already frighten youth. And while I'm at it therapists don't appreciate our hands on approach either. Well when you are dealing with gang members and kids who have inadvertently fried the brains from drugs you go with what force is necessary. During our 8 hours together I listen to a lot of complaining about how my environment is worse then yours. I would beg to differ (mine wins) but maybe if they would have just listen to one another and heard that we all work in places that are volatile and stressful then we could see each other point of view.

Powerful Quote

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering."
~Ben Okri Prentise

The Dance

There is this dance that only boys seem to know, it's called the "do something fool" dance. It typically begins when one smaller, less liked boy decides he is going to ask another boy to dance. This usually happens during some sporting event or other testosterone filled event. Then the other boy typically with more status decides he will dance thus resulting in an event of fist clinching, chest bumping "just do something fool!" dance. This goes on for a matter of seconds with nothing really happening because really no one wants to take the lead.

6 for Sunday

Here are 6 things about me all because it's Sunday....
1.I love to do laundry but HATE to wash my car :)
2.From the age of 8 to 15, I was raised by my mom and her Japanese-American boyfriend. I ate so many weird foods growing up but boy am I good with chopsticks.
3.I have only lived in 2 towns my entire life....Auburn and Grass Valley. Wow right.
4.I can send hours in a books store. I love the way new books smell.
5.Starbucks whip cream makes the roof of my mouth slimy.
6.I have had the same best friend for 28 years and I miss her very much, especially right now.

I have shared mine now what are yours?

I am trying to understand......

Our job as adults is ultimately to protect and care for those smaller, younger and less capably to defend or care for themselves. So why do we as a society see people hurting others (kids, elderly, men, women, whoever) and not do anything? Why do those that are paid to protect kids, protect and remove 1 but leave others to still suffer abuse? And then when kids harm one another do we wonder what happened to our society? Why are we not holding CPS accountable for their actions for their choosing 1 or more children over the others? What about parents that do the same thing protect 1 child over another? Where does it end and who do we blame?

Doctor vs Nurse Practitioner

Well I had a killer migraine again, for like the millionth time in my life and again I let it go 3 days too long. I guess my only blessing is that I have good insurance and a great nurse practitioner. You see I never see the doctor, he is nice enough but has zero bedside manner. He comes in asks what's wrong and then attempts to fix it to the best of his ability. If you need a shot like I usually do he sends the nurse in, see no bedside manner. In the grand scheme of things he still practices because the old people love him. Then there is Patrick, the worlds greatest nurse practitioner. He walks into a room, hugs me and tells me yet again I have waited 3 days to long to come in. At this point I'm in tears from pain and relief that I know he will finally fix this pain even if it's just this time. Patrick should teach a course in bedside manner, he is great, he warns when hands are cold and when lights will be bright. He gives his own shots and yes they are quick and painless unlike all the other people who can't seem to get it right and makes it feel like a dull, rusty needle. Doctors 0 Nurse Practitioners 1

Hey PB & J here's a silly "super hero" name. Now what's yours?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Tomorrow Viking Your Superpower is Vampirism Your Weakness is Quizzes Your Weapon is Your Stellar Claws Your Mode of Transportation is Portal

What's your Superhero Name?

7 funny but true facts in the life of a "super hero"!!!!

1. Adult evil villains cry way more then kid evil villains. But their attitudes are much better.

2. People who blow .27 are really, really drunk and make super hero's laugh really, really hard. Almost to the point were we pee our pants.

3. Amnesty hour is between 12am and 2am. You learn losts of very neat things about people that you have to instantly forget at 2:01am.

4. If you stand in Tahoe City on the 4th of July, you can see fireworks in South Lake, Incline Village and Tahoe City all within 15 minutes.

5.Ballistics vests are great and they save lots of lives every year but boy do they make those things uncomfortable.

6.If anyone is looking for eye candy next year and loves a man in uniform head to Tahoe. Lots of super heros up there for the 4th. But don't do anything illegal we will be watching.

7.I hate hands free driving, it sucks. Everyone looks dumb driving and talking to themselves. I don't follow that law because its DUMB!!!!

There I got a few things off my chest.

Is that the ocean?

That's what "OT" asked as we peaked a crest on 267 heading into Kings Beach. Wow silly guy.I am really being serious!! I told him no and we had a good laugh about it. Later that night we were talking to Ricky and Randy, guess what "OT" isn't the only one to mistake Lake Tahoe for an ocean. Go figure.... people you need to get out more.

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July. May all of you be safe. Enjoy the fireworks, your friends or whatever else you are doing. I will be in Tahoe again tonight. I had lots of fun Thursday night. A lot of walking, a lot of police and some really good fireworks. But we had fun. I wish Tahoe was an hour closer because the van drives like crap.

Thursday's nothing fun happens on Thursday's right?

I'm going to Tahoe (North Lake) tonight. I bet I will have some fun Thursday stories now!!! Don't worry I will be careful, especially for those of you that know what I will be up to. :)

My Favorite Quote Ever.....

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once our eyes watered."
~Tom Stoppard Reid