FAMILY REUNIONS need I say more?

So today my dad's family planned a "family reunion" if that's what you would like to call it. Its funny because I was invited to go to it but they are always so awkward, strange and violating to say the least. See I'm the "good" grand-daughter, the one that went to college, never was arrested and doesn't have baby daddy drama with all that good stuff I somehow have become the "hated" one. However because I did these things I don't fit in and I somehow "think I'm better then them", okay who's issue? What makes it worse is that my family sees nothing wrong with their behavior and they view it strictly as my issue. That I have been corrupted by my mother and her need to make me hate my father and his family. Believe me I have my own reasons to hate my father, I don't need her. See my grandmother does the "grandmotherly" thing and sends me birthday, Christmas and Easter cards all saying how much they miss me, but then I go and get the guilt trip. Don't worry I send her the same cards first however so maybe I am a pity card. This is the same person who threatened me with being removed from the will if I did not come visit her during Christmas 4 years ago. Sorry don't need nor do I want your money so pride, dignity and some stupidity being my downfall I have not been in 4 years. I guess you can say nobody threatens me. Well really my family is all a bunch of crazies who don't really get along and only pretend to like each other so that someday they will get some money. Everyone lets their kids run free and nobody watches the little ones once the alcohol starts going. Basically its the Griswold's family adventures all rolled into one day plus add a few or 30 more people. Goodness there should be a license to have kids half my family would have not been able to breed. Okay, so moral of this story I wish I could pick my family much like I picked my friends.

Feeling better

So today I went to church and I forgot how much I missed it. I have not been in awhile because of my last schedule but now I'm back and ready to go. When I started going a lot about 10 months ago it fit into my schedule and then it did not work at all for my schedule so I stopped going for 4 months. I guess a lot has changed in me during that time. When I started going all those months ago I was really dedicated and on my game. I felt like I noticed a difference in my daily life, I was happier and felt like there was meaning and reason to get up each day. Heck my mother the none church goer noticed a difference when I was going and even said, " whatever you are doing there it works for you, just remember who you are!" I did just that I focused on me and my life with god in it. I decided that at this point in my life I needed just this. Well when my schedule change my world came crashing down and I had again to focus on my job and less on me and my relationship with god. So I guess this made me grumpy, frustrated and lacked guidance. All of which I could have received had I been at church and with the people who cared for me. A little back story, I was going to church on my own because this was a different church then my family church. I had however created strong ties to my new church family. Well with this new shift rotation I have received a blessing in its own right, I am now able to go back to church. So today I went and was able to spend time with people who even after 4 months remembered my name and cared that I was back. I walked in a knew that I once again was home, I felt it in the air, it wrapped tight around me holding me close and keeping me safe.
So today after 4 months I finally feel better.....

Shift Change.....

Well shift change came and went and it was pretty uneventful. The kids were confused and wondered what the hell was going on. I think they (the ones that have been there a long time) have just as hard of time as we do. They get use to seeing us on certain days and they know our routines, so we suffer they suffer. But I do think that I will have fun on my new shift especially if it goes anything like my first day. I had a lot of fun working nights, I was left alone, we watched a movie and then played pictionary for an hour with a black and orange marker. So today I went out bought a whole collection of dry erase markers for a really fun game.
So bring on change and I think I will gladly welcome graves with open arms, now if I could only get some fun people to come to the dark side.......

CuPcAkEs.....

I LOVE CUPCAKES!!!! Yummy... And Officer Maben makes the best, I think she needs to go into business. But then again we would lose a great officer. I guess we will just have to settle for monthly potlucks. Wait we are in trouble I'm on the wrong part on the night and I could very well be on the wrong end also. Oh well I guess I will have to remind her about my birthday. Oh well.

The positives about going to graves....

1. I get to go places when no one else is there, ie the movies, the stores and any other place.Very cool!

2. I will get more done at work. Okay maybe this is a pipe dream. But I can wish right.

3. Movies here I come can't wait to catch up on all my dumb HBO dramas. I just renewed my online account with blockbuster.com

4. I get to read a lot more, I already have a stack ready to go. Don't worry I will blog about every book once I'm done so don't worry.

5. I get paid more to do way less work.

5.1. I only have to put up with the kids a few hours a week instead of all 4 days. Major plus.

5.2. I only have to do 2 meals and showers a week. Major, major plus.

Okay maybe 6 months on graves won't be too bad. I will miss my team though.

Thanks, It was fun.....

I am sad tonight because I have found that my actions and behavior have created an issue for someone I work with. I guess it happens when you work in a place like I do. Its very different from most jobs we don't have a standard lunch break (we eat on the fly), we work standard 12 hour days 2-3 times per week, we argue like brothers and sisters and sometimes we spend more time with the people we work with then our own families. Those of us that are close we share our joys, our sadness, our frustrations and everything in between. But we forget that these people have lives of their own and carry our negative emotions with them. Our work is already so negative with the justice system, the kids, their families and lives that leaving all that at the door is sometimes very hard. When we leave after a 12 hour day we very well could have dealt with 1 fight, 2 suicide suit restraints, school being postponed twice before cancelled at noon, a missing pencil, 10 room changes, 5 bookings, a flooded and food tossed room (potato surprise all over the wall and floor, fun) and million phone calls all while keeping 50 kids and 9 staff safe. And yes all these things have happened in one day. We wonder why its hard to just leave it at the door. We rely on the people we work with we need to know that when the 10-35 (officer needs assistance) call come out that someone will respond. We for the last 6 months have been in the trenches together, I cant tell you how many fights but I know we all survived or how many teacher we have been through (I think a lot). But I do know that we have been safe, that when I headed straight for the fight without calling for back up I know certain people had my back, so thank you. I know that when the fight is really on I can rely on a true unnamed superhero to fly in from somewhere shouting, "stop resisting!" Or despite how much I hate the Disney singing I will miss the loud "white girl Spanish" with all the "gang member Hispanic boys and her always telling me "if there's a fight its all you I'll call 10-35, k". I will miss a certain Asst. Sup and his descriptive vocabulary when describing the bookings. He is creative. Oh don't worry 6 months will fly by at least that's what I am telling myself and no you wont lose a friend. At least I'm keeping 1 person from my days with all of you.

"Queen bee's and Wannabe's"

With my job I cross paths with a lot of kids, shall we say a lot of different types of kids. Well this week is no different. We have a few kids who are in the "gang" life. The reason its in quotes is because I think they may just be 'wanna-be's'. I deal with kids who switch sides who would sell out their friends and family at the drop of a hat. See these kids up here are neatly categorized as either Nortenos, Surenos, rarely Crips or Bloods.....but overall it's yeah whatever. This never happens.... neatly categorized what? First of all half can't define any of the above gangs better yet prove it. No real tattoo's and can't name any of the true real hard core street gang besides 'La Familia' again what every. But they all want to claim it with their cool tattoo's (their homemade dot's that were never earned) . Once you tell them that they we will be adding them to Cal-gang and if they get in any trouble here they will be charged with a gang enhancement they are ready to flip on their gang ideology. The gang is no longer cool when you talk about 3-5-7 years as an add on to your base sentence. And no you don't get good time for gang enhancements. Every once in a while we do get a "real gang" member one who has major tattoos and the crime record to prove it but those are the kids that just don't give a dam. Those are the ones that are going to the CDC...... yes the California Prison system.
Then we have the Queen Bee's and boy do we have a few of these also...and I'm not talking about just the girls. We have a boy that everyone calls "fairy or pixie" this boy is so high maintenance, he can't go 3 seconds without needing something, he glides around the room. I feel bad for the kid when others make fun of him but he brings it upon himself, if he would just keep quiet and not display such odd characteristics people would leave him alone. He has literally asked me 20 questions in 10 minutes while my boss was standing there, I finally had to tell the kid to go away. Thanks goodness my boss has a odd sense of humor and said give him a taste of his own medicine. So a minute later when he again came up to me with another question, I being the adult bombed him with 30 questions one right after another. I just stared at him when he could not answer them all fast enough eventually he just walked away. Sorry folks he didn't learn and I am beating my head against the wall. The other Queen Bee's we have are the girls....a battle over the environment and possible the boys. My question to them would be why would you want to date any of them? Oh yeah us girls like the bad boys and we think we can save them....god help us. Well we have this girl, who really is not all that but she thinks she is. Every time she is given a directive, I get the eye roll, the head cock to the side and the "I know what the *&^% I'm doing" comment. This causes all the other girls to pull out their claws and battle for power. This included the female staff very funny scene we need more camera's in that building.
Kids will be kids whether they are queen bee's or wanna-be's.

Giggles and Imaginations

As I sit here at home with all my windows open after a really bad day, I listen to all the little kids playing outside. I live in an apartment and there are 3 boys and 1 girl who play outside my window daily, some days its house, others its super hero's or just riding bikes. Today however they are magical creatures maybe wizards and the soup that they live on is made from water and blackberries. They have wands made from sticks that destroy imaginary evil creature that the adult eye can not see. I guess as we have gotten older we lose our creative side. They run around yelling, shouting and telling each other to be careful, to watch out all the while laughing and giggling. They use torn grass as magic fairy dust maybe to save each other but some how this too invokes laughter. They have taught themselves that crushed up berries dyes cloth and cement making their own tribal designs. Oh the wonder of being young, free and full of life.....

Flowers and Frustrations

So I'm pretty frustrated mostly with work...see it's shift change on August 30th. This is a very stressful time for those of us who work in this field mostly because are lives get "screwed" for the next few months. And today I got the pleasure of seeing my future that is if you want to call it that....I sure as hell don't. I guess we really are consistent at being inconsistent, wow. See the frustration comes into play because we are "suppose" to be scheduled based on seniority plus a male/female ratio thing. However this time I did not see any seniority because somehow I am work graveyards (ok) but on the weekend (who was smoking crack). That's a rookie schedule not a senior 4 year officer schedule. I got bumped by someone who has been there for only one and a half years, oh no that's crap. So I spent the day completely frustrated, slightly angry and made to fear worthless so what did I do? I went to the store and bought myself some flowers.....yup some very pretty red roses..and I still only feel a little better. Tomorrow I plead my case to the big bosses because this is CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DATING...Why is it so hard?

I would like to understand why I have had such a bad or horrible streak in dating....I have literally tried everything. And I really mean everything blind dates, online dating, set-ups, you name it I have tried it and still no man. My friend Julie says I am way too picky and I need to lower my standards so. My phlosophy is "why have standards then?" am I right? I guess I do have so serious standards, I guess I have been hurt a few too many times, starting at a very young age. Again Julie in her wise drunk state aways tells me "I wont ever be happy because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop." She is true on part of that, but she is doing the same thing. So she is really just the pot calling the kettle black. I just want to be happy, I need to find a guy that just gets me, who will put up with my strange moods because I would be more then willing to do the same. I have stories that would make most people laugh and some cry, a few would probably doubt that those things could ever happen to one person. I've dated guys with no manners, and that bearly lasted the date. I dated a married guy...no I did not know he was married until his wife called the day before my birthday. I was engaged once and caught him cheating. I broke up with a guy only to have KARMA smack me in the face 4 years later. I went out on a date with a guy who had 5 DUI's and wondered why I had a problem with it. I dated guys in the Air Force, National Guards and the Army, thought I would work my way around the armed forces. I dated a guy who thought he could control me...like that could happen! I dated a guy who played the piano over the phone until I fell asleep each night but religion got in the way...boy was he hot. I cant forget my best friend who I loved with all my heart but we never seemed to figure the timing out. What standards, do I really have any? Maybe sometime I will share these stories they are all so funny and so very sweet.

Waiting........

I have some friends that can't have a baby so they are doing an honorable thing and adopting. They are adopting an unwanted baby, a girl baby (6-12mths) that was abandoned at an orphanage. Here is the catch, its more of a catch 22, when they started 22 months ago the standard wait was 12 months now it's unknown. With the Olympics it could add a year or more. I have watched this family yearn for their daughter, probably more then anyone else. This is a child born in China, cared for by unknown people but carried in their hearts since day one even before she was conceived. I have watched this couple and others in very similar situation struggle, see very few joys and many hurts and battles in hopes of one day holding their daughter that was loved and conceived half way around the world. These couples have built their lives on hope, they have created rooms, bought clothing and made other preparations. But now I have seen them pack away those once precious items because its just too hard to deal with. The wait is taking a toll. The wait is too long, it's become a daily struggle however if you ask any of them if they would give up not one of them would and all would do it again. I guess we all have to wait for something, we just have to remember that the wait it tough and not always fun but in the end it is worth it. So we will continue to wait for all the babies, for all of the forever families to be united. This post is dedicated to all of our Chinese Princess especially Alicyn and Zoey. So the waiting continues but friendship will make it easier.....I hope!

Happy Friend's Day

Really August 3rd is a holiday.....now where are my presents?

Found this site and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really I do!!!!!!!