If this 3 inch metal door wasn't here....

I would beat your ass! I can't tell you how old that statement gets. The kids I work with think that the world revolves around them and their lifestyle, thus their gangs. So we have these 2 kids that really don't like each other, well that's an under statment of the century. I think they would kill each other if given the chance. So neither kid gets along with others but one is on his own program so we have to accomadate him, so as he was getting in the shower he walked over to the door of the kid he "hated" and proceed to scream at the kid through the close metal door. Out came all the gang bullshit, the "BK" this and "SK" that, along with "blood for life" (white kid from this town a blood hard to believe) then the "13 for life" crap whatever. With both yelling "tell those staff to open the door and I will show you what's up." They were screaming louder then a toddler throwing a temper tantrum as another officer and I attempted to calm them down the situation. Eventually I was able to get the kid to look at me, make eye contact long enough to get him to listen and then walk away. I guess everyone is super tough when there is 3 inches of solid metal between them. Guys and girls grow up, life does not have 3 inches of metal between you and your enemy in every situation...learn to deal or atleast see each other for who you are differences included.

Thanks for noticing!!!

So I worked my typical 8 hour shift on Saturday. Its a hard one because I usually have very little sleep (4hrs) and well its the weekend and I'm working. However we have a new supervisor and I'm try to make it easy on him, show him I know what I'm doing and that I'm a "team player". So he told me that we had very few core trained staff and with visiting and the programs we just need to sit on the kids (not literally). So to help out my team I worked on all the laundry, set up visits and basically did what was asked, well at the end of my shift I got my reward. The new supervisor came upstairs and said that he really appreciated all that I did and how much I stepped up to help him out. He stated that we work so well as a team on this Saturday afternoon shift, he wished he could get the rest of his week to run as smooth. That felt good especially after being told that I was not a "teamplayer" guess it really is in the eye of the beholder.

Use of Force gone bad!!!!!!

So on Wednesday I had Use of Force, this is a 4 hour training that I typically dread. Someone usually gets hurt and in the long run when the "crap" hits the fan they never really gone down like practiced. Oh well, so Maben and I were partners and it was a small none threatening class of 6 officers. We did this escape from a choke hold, for the record I'm never letting a kid get close enough for that and should it happen its on. So back to this move, you have to use a rocking motion while laying on your back to then wrap your leg around their head and quickly move to a kneeling potion thus striking them many times in the ribs. Okay easy enough, well first wrong move I re-aligned Maben's spine, thus hitting my leg hard enough to give myself one killer bruise. I think I win the Use of Force bruise award, this thing is easily 6-8 inched long and deep black and purple, upper calf to lower thigh. Maybe I will post a picture it gross but pretty amazing that a head did it. That however was not the only war wound Maben was hurt later when she attempted to grab my pepper spray only to lose half her nail, if only that was a deterrent for the kids in the hall. Oh well at least we had fun and no one went to the hospital, right. Wait I never got to ride in an ambulance so maybe that would have been kinda fun.....maybe next time. Just kidding I have to do this again next month pray for me!!!! Please.

You're not a team player...

this is what I was told today. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, I guess I just don't get it. How can I not be a team player if I help out with other programs, I'm the first to volunteer for something and I work well with others. I guess if you "vent to others" then you're not a team player. Until I master the role of being a team player I will not go anywhere with this department. That's what was said. Interesting! Oh and I need to learn to congratulate people who get promoted, I never read that in the policy but I will try. Just venting here, at least I can vent here and not get "in trouble!"

All in a days work.......

Restrained, sprayed, banged and sanged

(bad grammar, yes I know but oh so funny at 3am)

And this was our Thursday night it's amazing the things kids will do to get attention. I remember growing up and just wanting to have fun, know I was loved and survive to adulthood. Unlike the kids I work with.
Last night the kids were literly off the hook, I was called Satan's spawn, very cool. An officer was kicked a few times. A kid was pepper sprayed and then decided he would say sorry because he realized "damn that really did hurt." One kid thought he wouldn't get sprayed because the girl didn't get sprayed, 80lbs versus 210lbs, big difference. Another made threats that we were all going to be murdered should we ever enter her room. The F-word was used more then I ever thought possible. A kid tried to drink nasty deodorant only to find out that it would make her "poop" a lot because the second ingredient was Castor oil. Wow oh so funny. The 45 kids then proceeded to bang and sing in their rooms for hours because they were bored and mad.
So over all we restrained 2 kids 3 times, pepper spray was used 1 time, called poison control 1 time, called CFMG 3 times (they were no help), ended 1 mandatory program early, put the whole institution down 5 times, had to end 2 visit early 2 times and wrote 4 incident report to prove it all. Wow 2 kids can really throw a monkey wrench in a day.

One week down...

three weeks and five months left.
I hope I survive this whole graveyard thing, I guess I under-estimated my ability to sleep during the day, especially when my phone wont stop ringing even when it is just on vibrate. I guess people forget that I don't work "normal people" hours anymore. I forgot how hard it is to sleep during the day even with a night mask on and a few"simply sleepy" sleep aids. I will admit that I have had some fun on those graves, I have learned some new things, refreshed and then got faster at the booking processes and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I was introduced to amnesty hour yet again and god do people say some crazy things. Oh and I found out that its been proven that staying up for more then 10 hours straight at night is equal to being legally drunk thus I guess we cant be responsible for what we say. But those next five months will be hard especially if I get bored so I will find plenty to keep myself busy and wont be like the rest.

Shift Change.....

Well shift change came and went and it was pretty uneventful. The kids were confused and wondered what the hell was going on. I think they (the ones that have been there a long time) have just as hard of time as we do. They get use to seeing us on certain days and they know our routines, so we suffer they suffer. But I do think that I will have fun on my new shift especially if it goes anything like my first day. I had a lot of fun working nights, I was left alone, we watched a movie and then played pictionary for an hour with a black and orange marker. So today I went out bought a whole collection of dry erase markers for a really fun game.
So bring on change and I think I will gladly welcome graves with open arms, now if I could only get some fun people to come to the dark side.......

The positives about going to graves....

1. I get to go places when no one else is there, ie the movies, the stores and any other place.Very cool!

2. I will get more done at work. Okay maybe this is a pipe dream. But I can wish right.

3. Movies here I come can't wait to catch up on all my dumb HBO dramas. I just renewed my online account with blockbuster.com

4. I get to read a lot more, I already have a stack ready to go. Don't worry I will blog about every book once I'm done so don't worry.

5. I get paid more to do way less work.

5.1. I only have to put up with the kids a few hours a week instead of all 4 days. Major plus.

5.2. I only have to do 2 meals and showers a week. Major, major plus.

Okay maybe 6 months on graves won't be too bad. I will miss my team though.

Thanks, It was fun.....

I am sad tonight because I have found that my actions and behavior have created an issue for someone I work with. I guess it happens when you work in a place like I do. Its very different from most jobs we don't have a standard lunch break (we eat on the fly), we work standard 12 hour days 2-3 times per week, we argue like brothers and sisters and sometimes we spend more time with the people we work with then our own families. Those of us that are close we share our joys, our sadness, our frustrations and everything in between. But we forget that these people have lives of their own and carry our negative emotions with them. Our work is already so negative with the justice system, the kids, their families and lives that leaving all that at the door is sometimes very hard. When we leave after a 12 hour day we very well could have dealt with 1 fight, 2 suicide suit restraints, school being postponed twice before cancelled at noon, a missing pencil, 10 room changes, 5 bookings, a flooded and food tossed room (potato surprise all over the wall and floor, fun) and million phone calls all while keeping 50 kids and 9 staff safe. And yes all these things have happened in one day. We wonder why its hard to just leave it at the door. We rely on the people we work with we need to know that when the 10-35 (officer needs assistance) call come out that someone will respond. We for the last 6 months have been in the trenches together, I cant tell you how many fights but I know we all survived or how many teacher we have been through (I think a lot). But I do know that we have been safe, that when I headed straight for the fight without calling for back up I know certain people had my back, so thank you. I know that when the fight is really on I can rely on a true unnamed superhero to fly in from somewhere shouting, "stop resisting!" Or despite how much I hate the Disney singing I will miss the loud "white girl Spanish" with all the "gang member Hispanic boys and her always telling me "if there's a fight its all you I'll call 10-35, k". I will miss a certain Asst. Sup and his descriptive vocabulary when describing the bookings. He is creative. Oh don't worry 6 months will fly by at least that's what I am telling myself and no you wont lose a friend. At least I'm keeping 1 person from my days with all of you.

"Queen bee's and Wannabe's"

With my job I cross paths with a lot of kids, shall we say a lot of different types of kids. Well this week is no different. We have a few kids who are in the "gang" life. The reason its in quotes is because I think they may just be 'wanna-be's'. I deal with kids who switch sides who would sell out their friends and family at the drop of a hat. See these kids up here are neatly categorized as either Nortenos, Surenos, rarely Crips or Bloods.....but overall it's yeah whatever. This never happens.... neatly categorized what? First of all half can't define any of the above gangs better yet prove it. No real tattoo's and can't name any of the true real hard core street gang besides 'La Familia' again what every. But they all want to claim it with their cool tattoo's (their homemade dot's that were never earned) . Once you tell them that they we will be adding them to Cal-gang and if they get in any trouble here they will be charged with a gang enhancement they are ready to flip on their gang ideology. The gang is no longer cool when you talk about 3-5-7 years as an add on to your base sentence. And no you don't get good time for gang enhancements. Every once in a while we do get a "real gang" member one who has major tattoos and the crime record to prove it but those are the kids that just don't give a dam. Those are the ones that are going to the CDC...... yes the California Prison system.
Then we have the Queen Bee's and boy do we have a few of these also...and I'm not talking about just the girls. We have a boy that everyone calls "fairy or pixie" this boy is so high maintenance, he can't go 3 seconds without needing something, he glides around the room. I feel bad for the kid when others make fun of him but he brings it upon himself, if he would just keep quiet and not display such odd characteristics people would leave him alone. He has literally asked me 20 questions in 10 minutes while my boss was standing there, I finally had to tell the kid to go away. Thanks goodness my boss has a odd sense of humor and said give him a taste of his own medicine. So a minute later when he again came up to me with another question, I being the adult bombed him with 30 questions one right after another. I just stared at him when he could not answer them all fast enough eventually he just walked away. Sorry folks he didn't learn and I am beating my head against the wall. The other Queen Bee's we have are the girls....a battle over the environment and possible the boys. My question to them would be why would you want to date any of them? Oh yeah us girls like the bad boys and we think we can save them....god help us. Well we have this girl, who really is not all that but she thinks she is. Every time she is given a directive, I get the eye roll, the head cock to the side and the "I know what the *&^% I'm doing" comment. This causes all the other girls to pull out their claws and battle for power. This included the female staff very funny scene we need more camera's in that building.
Kids will be kids whether they are queen bee's or wanna-be's.

Flowers and Frustrations

So I'm pretty frustrated mostly with work...see it's shift change on August 30th. This is a very stressful time for those of us who work in this field mostly because are lives get "screwed" for the next few months. And today I got the pleasure of seeing my future that is if you want to call it that....I sure as hell don't. I guess we really are consistent at being inconsistent, wow. See the frustration comes into play because we are "suppose" to be scheduled based on seniority plus a male/female ratio thing. However this time I did not see any seniority because somehow I am work graveyards (ok) but on the weekend (who was smoking crack). That's a rookie schedule not a senior 4 year officer schedule. I got bumped by someone who has been there for only one and a half years, oh no that's crap. So I spent the day completely frustrated, slightly angry and made to fear worthless so what did I do? I went to the store and bought myself some flowers.....yup some very pretty red roses..and I still only feel a little better. Tomorrow I plead my case to the big bosses because this is CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New project?

I had a meeting today that I actually feared. Strange because I work with some really bad kids but I feared a women sitting at an office 10 minutes away.Go figure! I guess I feared her because her famous line was "don't mistake my kindness for weakness!" She really does put the fear of god in me but I would have her as back-up any day. Now I'm getting alittle too carried away, about this meeting I have been doing this program at work for 3 of my 4 years. I guess I'm too sucked up into it, I let it become me, I have become it. Basically I cried out of frustration and out of ok just frustration, I feel like I'm stuck in the same position and I'm not moving.The elevator isn't going past floor number 2 and it sucks. I feel like people who are less qualified are moving up and out and I let a project become me.which is now preventing me from doing anything. Well I had the other person involved in the meeting say I've cried at work too much and he wonders if I think that's strange?! All I can say is you try my job plus add on all the other crap! Then judge me! Well what came out of it was good, a few laughs and some clear lines. I know what I will and will not be responsiable for and I will be starting a few new projects. Plus getting to look for my own new project. This will help me keep my sanity and stop from feeling so stiffled. The big piece of advise I got was "work yourself out of a job." So maybe that's what I will do find a new passion, have fun and maybe I won't have so much of a love/hate relationship with my job.

So I have been thinking....

Yesterday this statement was made "If you can't adhere the fidility then you should not be doing the program." Needless to say I am frustrated I work in a stressful enviroment, we are forced to get as much done as possible with every kid in the place. Somedays we are great for time, other days you forget the last time you ate or better yet the last time you went pee, you plead for time to go faster or begging for just a few more minutes of time because the supervisor is damanding something else be done before 6pm. I appear the be getting off track so we do this group I think like 6 days a week and yesterday we had a refresher training. Well it did not go so hot. A statement was made behind my back that makes me truly believe that we are the "red headed step-kid"..the other trainer (I'm also one) and other leader said "if this is how they do their groups no wonder their data was so bad." Plus they jumped all over our group first thing but did nothing about any one elses. Wow how many times can I get stabbed in the back. Well you see these groups are supposed to be allotted 1 hour and only 10 kids but because we have this go, go, go and do, do,do schedule plus we have all these kids that just do not care that hour has been pushed to 30 minutes and now every kid has to be up. So know we have 20 kids to do a group with and only 30 minutes to do it in. Makes sense to me what about you? So back the my orignal quote if you "can't adhere to fidity then you should not be doing this program." All I can say is wow, wish I would have had a tape recorder that could have, would be the quote of probation century. I guess I just have to settle for the fact that I have over 15 witnesses all of which immedaitly came up to me and said, "so I guess we are not doing group anymore?" all I could say is "thats what I understood!" The groups a pain in my ass any way.
.......I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a difference a job makes.....

So I spent the day in a room full of social worker, therapists and probation officers and boy are we all different. First of all, I will agree that there should never be all three of these lovely agencies involved in troubled children's lives. I just as strongly agree that they should only be in a small room together on as few occasions possible. These groups mix like oil and water, i guess you can say we stick to our own. This was all to evident at lunch when we all just stuck together and NO ONE intermingled. Can you say awkward!!! Probation is a job of incarceration, rehabilitation and then continual supervision. Therapy is about fixing/guiding that person. Social work about fixing the certain situation family, child or environment.
I guess I will start by saying that probation is the rough group, we are more likely to get physical when necessary and yes we carry a guns. This a no, no for social workers...guns are scary and just torment already frighten youth. And while I'm at it therapists don't appreciate our hands on approach either. Well when you are dealing with gang members and kids who have inadvertently fried the brains from drugs you go with what force is necessary. During our 8 hours together I listen to a lot of complaining about how my environment is worse then yours. I would beg to differ (mine wins) but maybe if they would have just listen to one another and heard that we all work in places that are volatile and stressful then we could see each other point of view.

The Dance

There is this dance that only boys seem to know, it's called the "do something fool" dance. It typically begins when one smaller, less liked boy decides he is going to ask another boy to dance. This usually happens during some sporting event or other testosterone filled event. Then the other boy typically with more status decides he will dance thus resulting in an event of fist clinching, chest bumping "just do something fool!" dance. This goes on for a matter of seconds with nothing really happening because really no one wants to take the lead.

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July. May all of you be safe. Enjoy the fireworks, your friends or whatever else you are doing. I will be in Tahoe again tonight. I had lots of fun Thursday night. A lot of walking, a lot of police and some really good fireworks. But we had fun. I wish Tahoe was an hour closer because the van drives like crap.